Thursday, February 21, 2013

Bisaya jokes 05, 2013

 These bisaya jokes are from:

ASAWA : Nganong kulang man og 1000 ang imong sweldo?
BANA: Ahm ni-adto kos BAR, ang 200 akong gipalit og beer, ang 800 akong gihatag sa dancer kay nalooy ko kay walay sanina :-(
bisaya, binisaya, bisdak, bisaya jokes



JUDGES: Inday Pedro, My question is: Kung may AIDS imong PAPA palangga-on ra gihapon nimo siya?
INDAY PEDRO: Ay, Syempre!
JUDGE: Kay ngano man? Paki explain lang.
INDAY PEDRO: Because,............................. "AIDS" DOESNT MATTER!


AMO: YAYA, Sigurado ka nga na Limpyohan na nimo ang akong kwarto?
YAYA: Oo ma'am! Sigurado na gyud, bisan pag tan-awon nimo sa ilawm kama naa didto tanan ang mga sagbot.

Lecios  bisaya, bisdak, binisaya, bisaya jokes

TEACHER: Pedro, Can you Spell "AMBULANCE ?"
PEDRO: Yes Maam! A M B U
TEACHER: Faster?!!
PEDRO: Wew wew wew! Wew wew wew! Wew wew wew!



Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Bisaya jokes 04, 2013

Nagstorya ang Ginoo ug si San Pedro...

San Pedro: Ginoo kinsa man jud atong unang pasudlon sa langit? mga babae? lalaki? tomboy? o bayot? Ginoo: Para nako Peds, mura'g paunahon jud nato ang mga bayot...  
San Pedro: Ha? Nganu man?!?  
Ginoo: Kay sila baya ang magdecorate sa stage! :P
bisaya, binisaya, bisaya jokes, bisdak
naay hubog nagpasuray-suroy sa dalan og nakatagbo cya og tambok nga babaye unya naay dalang iro.

Hubog: Hoy dis a mana nimo nakuha ang baboy?
Tambok: dili mani baboy noy iro mani....
Hubog : ayaw sabat diha ang iro ak0ng gipangutana..


Bahala ug way kaugmaon, Basta maugmaan… Kay unsaon man nimo ang kaugmaon kun di ka na maugmaan? Ohhaha!heh!!” 
anak: ma, nitaas na akong posisyon sa trabaho! 
anay: mao bah? Maayo nuon anak..
nanay: unsa nman imu posisyon? 
anak: janitor gihapon pero naa na ko sa 2nd floor!
 BF:  ga, naa koy dago nga problema.  
GF:  ga, ayaw pag sulti ana oi. Ayaw ingna nga problema lang NIMO. Ingna nga problema NATO kay nag hinigugmaay man ta. Dawbi, unsa man ATONG problema?  
BF:  namabdosan NATO si inday ug KITA ang amahan..
 bana: love, promise sugod karon di na tika luiban. ako nang biyaan ang akong kabit asawa: wow, tenk you love, ako sad promise, ang sunod natong anak, ikaw nay amahan. promise jud!
 bisaya, bisdak, binisaya, bisaya jokes
TEACHER: give me a tag question.
PUPIL: My teacher is beautiful, isn't she?
TEACHER: Very good! Ibinisaya dong.
PUPIL: Ang akong maestra gwapa, wa sya kuyapi?

 You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
 Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Love Letter to the Filipinos



Mga Kaigsuunan ako ning i post diri kay makadasig sa mga Pilipino. Kani gisulat ni Dr. David H. Harwell. Basahi ug imong gayud sabton ug maayo kay ikaw Pinoy, bisdak, bisaya man o dili adunay mahatag nga kaayuhan para sa tanan.

I am writing to thank Filipinos for the way you have treated me here, and to pass on a lesson I learned from observing the differences between your culture and mine over the years. I am an expatriate worker. I refer to myself as an OAW, an overseas American worker, as a bad joke. 

The work I do involves a lot of traveling and changing locations, and I do it alone, without family. I have been in 21 countries now, not including my own. It was fun at first. Now, many years later, I am getting tired. The Philippines remains my favorite country of all, though, and I’d like to tell you why before I have to go away again. 

 I have lived for short periods here, traveled here, and have family and friends here. My own family of origin in the United States is like that of many Americans—not much of a family. Americans do not stay very close to their families, geographically or emotionally, and that is a major mistake. I have long been looking for a home and a family, and the Philippines is the only place I have lived where people honestly seem to understand how important their families are.

 I am American and hard-headed. I am a teacher, but it takes me a long time to learn some things. But I’ve been trying, and your culture has been patient in trying to teach me.

 In the countries where I’ve lived and worked, all over the Middle East and Asia, it is Filipinos who do all the work and make everything happen. When I am working in a new company abroad, I seek out the Filipino staff when I need help getting something done, and done right. Your international reputation as employees is that you work hard, don’t complain, and are very capable. If all the Filipinos were to go home from the Middle East, the world would stop. Oil is the lifeblood of the world, but without Filipinos, the oil will not come from the ground, it will not be loaded onto the ships, and the ships will not sail. The offices that make the deals and collect the payments will not even open in the morning. The schools will not have teachers, and, of course, the hospitals will have no staff. 

What I have seen, that many of you have not seen, is how your family members, the ones who are overseas Filipino workers, do not tell you much about how hard their lives actually are. OFWs are very often mistreated in other countries, at work and in their personal lives. You probably have not heard much about how they do all the work but are severely underpaid, because they know that the money they are earning must be sent home to you, who depend on them. The OFWs are very strong people, perhaps the strongest I have ever seen. They have their pictures taken in front of nice shops and locations to post on Facebook so that you won’t worry about them. But every Pinoy I have ever met abroad misses his/her family very, very much.

 I often pity those of you who go to America. You see pictures of their houses and cars, but not what it took to get those things. We have nice things, too many things, in America, but we take on an incredible debt to get them, and the debt is lifelong. America’s economy is based on debt. Very rarely is a house, car, nice piece of clothing, electronic appliance, and often even food, paid for. We get them with credit, and this debt will take all of our lifetime to pay. That burden is true for anyone in America—the OFWs, those who are married to Americans, and the Americans themselves. 

Most of us allow the American Dream to become the American Trap. Some of you who go there make it back home, but you give up most of your lives before you do. Some of you who go there learn the very bad American habits of wanting too many things in your hands, and the result is that you live only to work, instead of working only to live. The things we own actually own us. That is the great mistake we Americans make in our lives. We live only to work, and we work only to buy more things that we don’t need. We lose our lives in the process.

 I have sometimes tried to explain it like this: In America, our hands are full, but our hearts are empty. 

You have many problems here, I understand that. Americans worry about having new cars, Filipinos worry about having enough food to eat. That’s an enormous difference. But do not envy us, because we should learn something from you. What I see is that even when your hands are empty, your hearts remain full.


 I have many privileges in the countries where I work, because I am an expat. I do not deserve these things, but I have them. However, in every country I visit, I see that you are there also, taking care of your families, friends, bosses, and coworkers first, and yourselves last. And you have always taken care of me, in this country and in every other place where I have been. 

These are places where I have been very alone, very tired, very hungry, and very worried, but there have always been Filipinos in my offices, in the shops, in the restaurants, in the hospitals, everywhere, who smile at and take good care of me. I always try to let you know that I have lived and traveled in the Philippines and how much I like your country. I know that behind those smiles of yours, here and abroad, are many worries and problems. 

 Please know that at least one of us expats has seen what you do for others and understands that you have a story behind your smiles. Know that at least one of us admires you, respects you, and thanks you for your sacrifices. Salamat po. Ingat lagi. Mahal ko kayong lahat. 

 David H. Harwell, PhD, is a former professor and assistant dean in the United States who now travels and works abroad designing language training programs. He is a published author and a son of a retired news editor. To the American who wrote Filipinos a love letter

Friday, February 15, 2013

Bisaya short video

This is a video sent to me. I do not own it. I also do not know the owner of this video. I do not claim any ownership for this video. If it is yours and you wan this off my blog please do message me here. Thanks. kani bisaya kaayo. Amateur pero I admire your efforts and your guts to do this. Do it more and you'll improve much better with whatever video you make.

“I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments.”
Noel Fielding

 “I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.”
Marilyn Monroe

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Bisaya jokes 03, 2013

Teacher: Pedro! Asa ang HAWAII?
Pedro: Mao na dira mam! Bisan asa man gud ibutang! Nya akoy pangitaan!

Boy: Ms, manok ka?
Girl: Huh? Why man?
Boy: Pwde lumlumi akong itlog?

  “A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”
Elbert Hubbard

THE TWO is the person with many money…
Panlibre beh. THE TWO bitaw ka!
Mama: Knock knock!
Pedro: Who’s there?
Mama: Mama nimo.
Pedro: Mama nimo who?
Mama: Bu**g ka! Ablihi ko!
 Mag-uyab nag storya sa daplin sa dagat…

GIRL: Babes, unsa imu zodiac sign?
BOY: (nag huna2 kay bugok) Ikaw sa babes.
GIRL: Zodiac sign naku CANCER.
GIRL: Ha?! Wala may zodiac sign na Goiter!
BOY: Hehe… Dili bitaw, ULCER bitaw!
 bisaya, bisaya jokes, binisaya, bisdak
 “The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.”
Elie Wiesel

Monday, February 4, 2013


Ako ning kinuha sa youtube. It's a nice bisaya song Titled "BISAN PA". Enjoy mga bisdak, mga bisaya sa pagpaminaw.

 “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”
Mother Teresa

Friday, February 1, 2013

Bisaya jokes 02, 2013

Nangutana si Juan sa iyang tatay...

Juan: tay! ingon among tcher unsa daw english anang tubig?
Tatay: ingna nak! wilkins

Nasuko si Juan kay mali iyang giingon sa maestra...

Juan: tay! tay! ingon ka wilkins, water man lage!
Tatay: (nasuko) bugo! water kong suba.

Nangutana na sad si Juan...

Juan: tay! unsa na pod daw english sa kahoy?
Tatay: ang english ana nak kay narra

Nasuko na sad kay di na pod mao ang tubag...

Juan: ah! naunsa na pod ka tay uy! ingon siya tree daw!
Tatay: hmm! tree pataka lang na imong maestra! tree kung tulo!

Pagkaugma, gipatawag ang papa ni Juan kay ireklamo nga perting bugoa sa iyang anak....

Teacher: sir! kini bitaw imong anak sir noh! perting bugoa! liwat sa gatudlo aning bataa!
Tatay: (nasuko...) ayaw pang insulto diha mam ha! kay di ra ba jod na tinuod! sige pangutan-a daw na siya kung tinuod ba jod!
Teacher: ok! Juan. 2 plus 2?
Juan: 5 mam!
Teacher: oh lantawa sir! bugo lage kaau!
Tatay: (ningreklamo...) nawa rah! ikaw man diay ang bugo,mam! kung gi 2 plus 3 pa na nimo, di sakto unta ang bata!
Naay usa ka mayor nga gadeklarar....

Mayor: Mga kaigsoonan
           Magtanom ta ug saging tondan
           Aron naay mapo-po
           Para mangabuhi tang tanan

Ang bungi ningsuon sa mayor...

Bungi; Mga inun-onan
           Magatanom ta og saging tumban
          Aron naay mamumu
           Para mangabungi tang tanan
Naay mga bata nga gaatang sa gawas sa balay ni Maria kay mangayo og mangga
(niay usa nasuko...)

Bata: hoy! dae hatgi mi og manga ba! ganiya ra biha mi dire!
Maria: (napul-an dayon gihatgan og hinog nga mangga ang bata....) oh! tara! dawata ni. hinog na kaau ni bantay bitaw og mangayo pa ka ha!
Bata: (nasuko...) ayaw ni oy! kanang hilaw bah!
Maria: (gihatgan og hilaw...)
Bata: (nalipay..) yeheeeey! pahinogon jud ku ni. Salamat ha!
bisaya, binisaya, bisdak, bisaya jokes

 “There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.”
Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever